A Paucity of
Pony Powder, 2023
Four hundred 1.5x1.5inch portraits and four hundred straws in four hundred 2x3inch ziplock bags
the crave for autonomous power and control over my highs and my lows chews on my flesh slowly as my brain deteriorates and my tolerance increases. the crave for certainty and the promise that I will feel a certain way every time I snort overpowers my desire to be clean. the crave for blanking and the brain fog just to put a pause on the routinely and cyclical practice of what keeps me together as a functioning, aspiring, passionate, kind, complex being. now guilt is prevalent and my veins are overflowing with medicine. i am no longer the being that adores vintage toys and my hardworking nature. the person with the dilapidated and worn-out kewpie necklace who puts too much work on their plate. the kid whose desire to create is what drives them to live. i am now a flesh vessel filled to the brim with guilt and medicine.
passport photos are definitions of people, the determining factor of your identity and existence. this is all you get and this is what defines me; i am real because i had my picture taken; i realize this is all i am as the final feeling experienced before i feel my consciousness steadily ebbing away as the chemicals assume its role in my body is mere guilt. four hundred portraits of me: four years of chasing the high, four years of chasing sobriety.
